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Lessons We Never Meant to Teach (But Do Anyway)
28
Jan
Jan
| Unintended lessons. What are they — and how much influence do they actually have over our lives… and the lives of the people we love? Unintended lessons are the things we learn and teach without knowing they exist. No curriculum. No malicious intent. No lesson plan. And yet… the impact can be massive. These lessons are a form of conditioning that happens quietly, often invisibly. We overlook them. We justify them. We deflect from them. And more often than not, we take very little responsibility for the role we play in teaching them — or overlaying them onto someone else. Before you take that truth bomb personally (and some of you will 😉), remember: these are unintentional lessons… until awareness shows up. Once awareness arrives, responsibility follows. A personal (and slightly uncomfortable) example: Sara’s youngest — who I absolutely adore — became my unintended student. I tease her. That’s part of who I am and part of our relationship. There’s no malicious intent. She’s a great kid. But here’s the honest part: even playful teasing can carry unintended lessons… and if I’m really owning it, there’s a dash of passive aggression mixed in there too. (I can feel the judgment as I type this. 😊) From my perspective — my standards, my expectations (yes, all my stuff) — I sometimes see her as a little less than motivated. She’s twelve, so some of that is probably… normal. I’m still working through that expectation myself. Because she doesn’t meet my internal motivation metric, I tease her by calling her a “loafer.” Unofficial Definition and Brian’s Definition of “Loafer”. loa·fer (noun) /ˈlōfər/ 1. One who is not highly motivated 2. One who is not a self-starter 3. One who does not immediately contribute without being asked. I even “cute it up” by calling her “lil loafer.”Sounds harmless, right? But here’s what actually happens when we (me in this case) joke like this — especially with people who trust us or see us as authority figures. The first time it’s heard, it may bounce right off. The second time? “I’ve heard that before.” The third time? “I keep hearing this… maybe it’s true.” And just like that, an identity starts forming. “I must be a loafer.” So the behavior aligns. Not exactly an empowering lesson. Yes, we all teach empowering lessons too — me included — but that’s not the focus today. The awareness moment that sparked this entire message: Sara once said, “You’re not a cuddler.” She’s partly right. I probably won’t be winning Cuddler of the Year. But it’s not that I don’t like cuddling or enjoy it — it just doesn’t come naturally to me (yet). There are a lot of reasons for that: upbringing, conditioning, masculine energy patterns, you name it. I explained it to her like this: welding or woodworking (my thing) doesn’t come naturally to her — but she could learn it if she wanted to. Same goes for me and cuddling. Here’s the unintended lesson part: When she says, “You’re not a cuddler” in front of her youngest — especially when her youngest wants to cuddle with me — she’s unintentionally teaching both of us that Brian isn’t a cuddler. No blame. No villain. Just awareness. And for the record… I may just become a super cuddler before your very eyes. Watch out, Sara. 😏 The real point of all this: This isn’t about fault. This isn’t about shame. This isn’t about doing something “wrong.” It’s an invitation. An invitation to explore the unintended lessons happening in your own life — with your kids, your partner, your friends, your coworkers… and even yourself. Because whether we admit it or not, we are all teaching and learning lessons every single day — some that serve us, and some that quietly hold us back. Awareness gives us choice. Choice gives us growth. Instead of creating loafers, I’m choosing to remember: I’m building champions around here. Class dismissed. Your homework? Reflect on what you just read and notice where you might become a more conscious teacher — and a more intentional student. #SuperStudent #TeacherTeacher Thank you for letting me share this with you. My hope is that it adds value, sparks reflection, and supports your growth — right here at Blu Room Wellness Center in Washington, MO. Be well, Brian Unofficial Contributor Blu Room Wellness Center Washington, MO P.S. If this message stirred something in you — curiosity, reflection, or even mild discomfort — you’re not alone. That’s often where growth starts. If you need support navigating awareness, stress, or personal expansion, the team at Blu Room Wellness Center is here when you’re ready. P.S.S. I wanted to personally thank the handsome devil who portrayed me in the hero image above. I think your handsomeness and manliness captured my true essence really well.😊 |
